Thursday, August 13, 2009

Unknown to you

You're a brave soul, or maybe we mistake arrogance for bravery. If that is the case, it is not the worst kind of arrogance, it comes from long held habits of yours - ease and success. Not that you didn't work for either - you did - but your life is more charmed than you think. In a moment of both weakness and strength - and those are rare, magical moments - you invited darkness into your house. But like your arrogance - if that is indeed what it is - this is not the worst kind of darkness. Neither evil nor harmful, it is dark only in color, not in essence. And so, for all of these reasons, you are not afraid to let it stay with you for a while.

Because, if there's one thing you know, it's how to clean a house. You carry the supplies - a full range of products and equipment - from room to room. Darkness gone, you will remove every trace, every scent, every remnant, every hint of anything not inherent to this home. Bright light returns and the shadows disappear. Which is how you like it, right?

This helps, for a time. You do not understand why it doesn't help more.

Didn't anyone tell you? Even clean, your house will be haunted. The whisper of memories will swirl around you, hidden behind the smell of pine and vinegar and bleach. You will be frustrated at every corner you turn, a secret wish - unknown to your mind that masters - to see, to feel what is no longer there, no longer yours - a wish that will never leave you alone.

There is no cure for this.


just me said...

Hello there, I came across your blog while looking for a photo on the web of Ruelle Fleurie in Laval. I got a postcard from my friend who lives in L'Huisserie, which I want to paint, and wanted to see if there are any clearer pictures on the web of the road. I saw your picture come up and clicked on your blog and have been reading your blog, just about from the beginning.

I see you teach, I wonder if you perhaps know my friend, he is a Professor of Philosopy at Rennes University, Jean-Yves Blandin.

By reading what you write about Laval, it somehow lets me feel a little closer.

I live in South Africa, here it is winter, going to be turning to spring soon.

Have a great day, I can say absolutely, that I wish I was there.

Regards, Sue

Nicole said...

Hey Sue - Thanks for stopping by. I don't know your friend - I teach at a small business school here in Laval, very far from university academics. I'm glad I could help you feel closer to Laval, if that is where you wish to be. Please visit often.

JMH said...

My name is Jon. I'm from Chicago. Are blog introductions appropriate, or do you just blurt out what you want to say? I like a little formality sometimes, but I don't judge a person for just getting to the point.

Anyhow, I've been reading for a few weeks, and I find your use of the second person interesting and somewhat disturbing, but not intrusive or unpleasant, and you're certainly talented with words.

So now I'm no longer lurking. What an awful word to describe a comparatively benign behavior.

Nicole said...

Hi Jon - I don't know you at all and yet find we agree about at least 2 things already (the formality thing, and the creepy connotations of the word lurking thing). Thank you for reading and for commenting. I'm from Illinois too.