Thursday, July 13, 2006

My blunder (This post will be offensive to some)

So read ahead with serious caution. Mom, don't read this post at all. You won't like it. I mean it.


I have a real flair for saying inappropriate things sometimes. Always in social situations where I'd be much better off keeping my mouth shut. But somehow, it never seems to work out that way. I'm a total lightweight. All it takes is one glass of wine and I'll start saying things I ought to keep to myself. This is especially true in France where I haven't really mastered the whole scene, or much of anything for that matter. My other problem is that I take no notice of audience. Rookie mistake. In our mid-30's we're still rookies, right?

So here goes. Here's my lastest, but not greatest, gaffe (blunder).

Husband and I were at a dinner. Hosted by some friends of friends of ours. Knowing how our friends are, I actually thought I did know the audience, but apparently not. Anyway. There were 12 of us. I was acquainted with 3 of the other couples, their kids are at the same school as Boy1 was this year. The other couple are good friends.

The wine flowed. The conversation was interesting at times and not at others. At one point, my former vegetarianism was mentioned. The French tend to be fascinated by anything that eliminates whole food groups from one's diet. They just don't get it. But that's a whole other post. So, many made many jests thoughout the dinner about vegetarians. It was in good fun. But it was getting a little redundant.

The host was talking about his new office space. And his new secretary. And the window though which everyone walking by can see his spiffy office space and pretty secretary. He was kidding when he said, she's great, but I think she's a vegetarian.

And just like that. Out of (seemingly) nowhere I said, "I suppose by that you mean she won't swallow?"

Husband and G and P, our good friends, cracked up. Hard. From everyone else there was total silence for about 10 seconds. Then all the husbands started laughing. And the wives just looked at me strangley. Husband (he's so sweet) said to the host, "You know, you pretty much asked for it."

P said, "You've got to watch it with Nicole. You just never know."

I know, I know, I'm not doing much for our image over here, am I?

11 comments:

charlie said...

What an absolute hoot, Nicole. I'd have laughed like a hyena. Hope you left him on the bank, gasping!

Anonymous said...

Although an 'animal' product, there is certainly no cruelty involved.

beth said...

I laughed - and this is from a former vegetarian. It was quite funny!

Lorraine said...

Oh, Nicole. You should be a diplomat. If only because they are granted immunity.

Bad Alice said...

Wow--zing!

I'm always watching what I say at work, because I'm afraid I will blurt out something highly inappropriate in a room full of presbyterians. Sometimes let out a real howler unintentionally, like the time I mentioned something about men and Hummers (the vehicle) that was immediately misconstrued. Oh my.

zeb said...

sometimes you make me so proud

christi said...

wow-add to ur list of highly inappropriate comments. i can think of a lot of them from my visits... :)

Iwanski said...

Funny story!

I would like to visit France and further destroy our image someday.

Edy said...

Between that, and the finger-whistle....

I so want to be you!

Nicole said...

Charlie - I ran into him the other day. I think he's still gasping.

Anonymous - Ever seen that Sex and the City episode about funky spunk? Could be considered cruel by some.

Beth - Laughter is good for sleep deprived mothers of newborns.

Lorraine - License to do and say all. Excellent.

Bad Alice - You're not alone.

Zeb - I do what I can.

Christi - I was NEVER inappropriate during your visits.

Iwanski (aka Baseball slut)- I have to admit, it's easy fun.

Edy - Oh yeah, offending and embarassing are gifts...

Middle Child said...

Just the best story NicloeHa ha ha ha he he he...