I'm married to a smoker. Those who knew me pre-Husband might find this unbelievable. Believe me, I even find it unbelievable sometimes.
In the beginning, I wasn't thinking about the rest of my life. And then when I was thinking about the rest of my life, I certainly wasn't thinking he would be smoking for the rest of my life. And then came the milestones that I hoped would motivate him. We got married. I got pregnant with Boy1. Boy1 was born. Boy1 turned one. Husband turned 30. Boy1 turned two. I got pregnant with Boy2. Boy2 was born and turned one and then two. Husband turned 35. Boys are now 6 and 3, Husband will be 36 in January and still nothing.
My attitude over the years has gone from indulgent to compassionate to frustrated to pissed off. Seriously, I CANNOT believe he still smokes. That said, I don't nag or plead or even talk about it very much other than to say, "I cannot believe you still smoke."
He doesn't smoke in the house. He's on the terrace to smoke, even in the rain. I have no sympathy. He gets colds and they last for weeks on end. I have no sympathy. Some residual compassion, perhaps, because I know it totally sucks to have to quit.
Up until this weekend, I had no sympathy and basically, no hope. He tried to stop once, a few years ago, and totally ruined our vacation. He hates the fact that he smokes, he feels totally enslaved to cigarettes, and, most importantly, powerless to change. Anyway, this weekend, I was reading an article in the newspaper about new medications and mentioned that there would be a new anti-tabacco drug on the market here in January. He snatched, literally, that newspaper right out of my hands. I now have hope.
7 comments:
I feel his pain. And yours. I still wish smoking weren't bad for you but it is so I don't. But I want to. I get more angry with The Spouse when he backslides than I do with myself. But we all shouldn't smoke. Not even in France (which was the exuse we used when we were there..."We're in France, everyone smokes". Although I understand that the bars and stuff don't allow it anymore, either. Anyway, I hope he can quit.
I understand your pain and frustration - I grew up in a house with both parents smoking and hated that I and everything I owned smelled like smoke. (and mother still smokes) I wish your husband well and hope he quits soon. . .for himself, you and your boys. Actually, you are right about one thing - I never imagined you would marry a smoker (but his many other wonderful qualities must have out shined the smoking).
Tell him good luck from me.
In the case of chain-smokers, hope often goes up in smoke, unfortunately.
But I must admit the newspaper is a good omen.
Marie
PS: I don't smoke, but I've been around my share of smokers :)
Lorraine - Actually the restaurants and bars aren't supposed to but they do. But they're all going to have to be 100% non-smoking by 2008.
Beth - I really hope he quits soon too. But I doubt it.
Zeb - He's going to need good luck dealing with me if he keeps this up for another 8 years.
Marie - He's not a chain-smoker, although 20 a day sometimes seems pretty chainy to me.
I was a heavy smoker for a long time and one day just decided that I was done, the wife still has the habit though and I feel much the same way you do except she doesn`t want to quit. Which makes it worse...
Evict him
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