I firmly believe that there are certain lessons in life we must learn. I also firmly believe that we will be presented with opportunities to learn these lessons until we succeed. And I also believe that the situations in which these opportunities are embedded get yuckier and yuckier if we choose not to learn them the first (or second or third) time around.
Let me give you an example.
Starting at a young age, I've had problems with friends. Not all of my friends, and not very often, but it's definitely been a reoccuring theme. Enough so for me to (eventually) to figure out that there was something more going on than just problems with friends. Know what I mean?
The first time was when I was very young, 7 or 8, and a relatively newish friend caused a lot of trouble and generally made me miserable until she decided to make someone else miserable. I remember coming home in tears and a blanket of incomprehension. Why, I would ask my mother. What I now know is that behind every why is a me. Why me?
Then we moved. And it happened again, this time when I was 12. A very good (up until then) friend turned on me, in a really big way. And made it her mission to recruit as many followers in her anti-Nicole crusade as possible. I temporarily lost a lot of friends and was generally ignored and scorned by a large group of people. Then, magically, months later, it ended, as it had begun, with no logic. Said friends spoke to me again and we all acted as if nothing had happened. But it had. And again, why me?
Next time around, I was 15. Another very good friend (up until then) became boderline nasty with me, but without cutting me off completely. Again, the same dénouement, we went back to being friends, but of course, things were never the same. How could they be? And yet again, why me? What did I do?
College pretty much went off without a hitch. I was learning about boys, I didn't have time for girlfriend politics. Post-college too. I was lulled into thinking my lesson learning days were over (at least in the friendship arena). Wrong.
I certainly wasn't suspecting a situation like that to come up here. Things are so different here (ha ha). You can run (to France), but you cannot hide from the lessons you must learn.
And so, last year, another friend turned on me. She was much more subtle than the others had been, and much more manipulative. But this time I really think I learned the lesson. It has never been about what I did to them to bring on the wrath. It has never been about why they didn't like me anymore. It has always been about who I am when this happens. My ablility to remain honest and compassionate when faced with lies and disdain. And about not giving into the why-me in me, the victim who leaves her spirit in the past with those lessons unlearned.