Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Moments of Truth, Tome 2

I have a sister I've never met. Technically, she's my half-sister. But I'm sure if I met her I wouldn't be able to identify which half was my sister and which half wasn't, so I think of her simply as my sister. It's too long of a long story to tell and really, it's not my story to tell. Anyway, the story isn't the point. The point is that I have a sister I've never met.

I was told of her existence when I was 19. But the information about who she was and where she lived and all that didn't come until I was in my mid-20's. Integrating that information into my life did not happen immediately. At 19, it was just sort of a fact on an index card kind of thing that didn't seem to change anything. Then, when I was given additional information, she became less of a fact and more of a picture of a person, but still stuck on that index card.

Then, one day last year I phoned my mother at work. A secretary answered and, after I asked to speak with my mother, she asked who was calling. I said,"Tell her it's her only daughter...who lives in France." You see those three dots? Those three dots mark the spot where I had a moment of truth. I paused and it clicked. That's where the knowledge that I had a sister jumped off the index card and made it's way into my life. And so I finished the sentence truthfully. Which was, no doubt, the first time ever.

Looking back (I know, hindsight and all that, but still), I think I always knew she was there. I think she had a place in our family constellation, despite the silence. And I think her soulprint has been in my heart since the day I was born, the sister I will one day know.


zeb said...

Interesting- you and I will have to have some conversation about this, I have been thinking about this my self in the last few months.

charlie said...

What a poignant little tale, Nicole. Must be most... unsettling, at the least. I feel quite sad on your behalf without any right and without knowing quite why. Apologies.


beth said...

Have you ever asked mama G any of the details. . .it might be nice to talk to or even meet your sister. I remember you telling me this long ago, but for some reason I thought it was a 1/2 brother. It's obviously your call, but it's never to late to start a new chapter. Whatever you wish to happen with this - I wish you the best.

Tom said...

It would seem interesting to know more about her, this woman, this sister. maybe she has children that wonder about you. But then after knowing you might wish for not knowing. I had a best friend once who's three sisters I knew well, all of them for years. One day it came out, slipped?? that there was a brother, I never met him, and they never spoke about him, and it was clear that they would rather I didn't either. still I wonder so many many years later, as i did then why, why, why. I wanted to know about this brother. the why may impact how I feel, I fear, about the whole family. maybe that is why they don't tell. But, Nicole, your story, your whole story, always reminds us all just why you are so special.