And I will hear something different. Finally.
Laval is a small city. In a very rural part of France.
Up until a few weeks ago, I was reminded of that everyday in the car. I don't have a cd player in my car, just the radio. Which is how I got the reminders. The selection of radio stations was REALLY limited. Religious and all talk, pop and all commercials, another pop and all commercials, 'alternative' (read still pop but heavier guitar) and mostly commercials, public radio and all news, classical so mostly good but sometimes too much opera, elevator music and I never left it on long enough to know if it was mostly commercials. That's about it.
And then, for some strange magical radio-land reason, one night, at midnight (I'm not kidding), there were 15 more stations. Most of which are just more of the same but there's one jazz station with little talk and fewer commercials. So between that and the classical station and the public radio every once in a while so I vaguely know what's going on in the world, I like what I hear when I drive my car.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Monday, January 05, 2009
Anticipation
Which is not the same thing as waiting. Waiting is what I did this morning. They called to tell me the technician was at my house at 8:30 and that they would call me as soon as he had found the problem. At noon, I still hadn't heard anything. At 2:00 I called and they informed me that he had just finished. And I will openly admit that I was imagining the worst. Mechanically mysterious, unfixable things. You should know that it's -2°C (27°F) outside and snowing.
I will go home to a warm house this evening after work. The heater has been repaired.
I can imagine, already know, how good it will feel to walk into it.
Some things are like that. You know it will be exactly what you want it to be before you even get there. So that when you do, it feels more like a sigh of relief, a confirmation of what you inexplicably knew in advance. Which does not diminish the joy you feel. On the contrary, you've been feeling it all along, the whole journey home.
I will go home to a warm house this evening after work. The heater has been repaired.
I can imagine, already know, how good it will feel to walk into it.
Some things are like that. You know it will be exactly what you want it to be before you even get there. So that when you do, it feels more like a sigh of relief, a confirmation of what you inexplicably knew in advance. Which does not diminish the joy you feel. On the contrary, you've been feeling it all along, the whole journey home.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
The unexpected
So, I got home from London Friday evening. To a FREEZING cold house. My heater's broken and won't be fixed until Monday morning. It's about 4°C (39.2°F) inside. And about 0°C (32°F) outside. Not much of a difference. No gap to bridge.
And since we're talking about gaps and bridges, a London photo. Of Big Ben.
He talked to me in hushed tones as I walked by. He spoke of time and its illusions. His precision, and he chuckled as he said this, is anchored in nothing at all. There is no need to wait, now is already here. Nothing linear, just unfolding promises, like an origami unicorn.
And since we're talking about gaps and bridges, a London photo. Of Big Ben.
He talked to me in hushed tones as I walked by. He spoke of time and its illusions. His precision, and he chuckled as he said this, is anchored in nothing at all. There is no need to wait, now is already here. Nothing linear, just unfolding promises, like an origami unicorn.
Friday, January 02, 2009
Day 6 and the last day
We got up late-ish. About 9 or so. We lounged about and then went out for a delicious late breakfast at Esca, which was perfect for a January 1st. And then we lounged some more. And then we did some more tourist stuff.
A Westminster place, a parlimentary place, mounument type things. A long, long walk in St. James's park. Then coffee. Then, a place that always makes me smile, a book store. Then another long walk. Then pizza and cheesecake with raspberry coulis.
A perfect last day in London. My train leaves this morning.
A Westminster place, a parlimentary place, mounument type things. A long, long walk in St. James's park. Then coffee. Then, a place that always makes me smile, a book store. Then another long walk. Then pizza and cheesecake with raspberry coulis.
A perfect last day in London. My train leaves this morning.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Day 5 and the 12 grapes
It was a good day. Two more hours with Dr. Woo, who is actually Dr. Wu but it's too late now - he'll always be Dr. Woo to me - acupuncture treatment and massage and reflexology treatment and endless pearls of wisdom. "You need to relax." "Your brain is too active." "You need to be calm and happy." And my personal favorite, "Sweet foods are good for you, good for your liver." And my least favorite, "Alcohol is bad, very bad." And my response, "Even red wine? That's really all I drink, well, that and champagne, and isn't red wine supposed to be good for you?" His response, "Yes, a little bit is good for you. But only little bit. 10 ml a day."
Ok, for those of you still using the imperial measurement system, 10 mililiters is .33 US ounces, which is like, what, a couple of tablespoons? And he was serious.
Anyway, after Dr. Woo, I window shopped and went to Hamley's to buy presents for the boys and came out with nothing because everything I found and wanted to buy was way too heavy to bring back in my suitcase. As it happens, they have a website and ship everywhere so I won't have to carry anything.
Then dinner at Beth's and out to a bar up the street. Where everyone was drunk but us. Seriously, how drunk do you think 10 ml will get you? Which is fine, I've never been big into New Year's and even less into getting drunk for New Year's Eve.
And now we come to the grapes. Nuria brought three cans of 12 grapes each for all of us. Because in Spain, you're supposed to eat 12 grapes while making 12 wishes in the 12 seconds leading up to midnight. But we weren't paying attention to the clock and no one in the bar was counting down so we actually didn't get started on time and I don't know if you can imagine eating a grape per second but it's harder than it sounds. So I only got in two wishes blessed by two grapes. Luckily, those first two wishes were really good ones.
Happy New Year to all of you. I hope all of your wishes come true.
Ok, for those of you still using the imperial measurement system, 10 mililiters is .33 US ounces, which is like, what, a couple of tablespoons? And he was serious.
Anyway, after Dr. Woo, I window shopped and went to Hamley's to buy presents for the boys and came out with nothing because everything I found and wanted to buy was way too heavy to bring back in my suitcase. As it happens, they have a website and ship everywhere so I won't have to carry anything.
Then dinner at Beth's and out to a bar up the street. Where everyone was drunk but us. Seriously, how drunk do you think 10 ml will get you? Which is fine, I've never been big into New Year's and even less into getting drunk for New Year's Eve.
And now we come to the grapes. Nuria brought three cans of 12 grapes each for all of us. Because in Spain, you're supposed to eat 12 grapes while making 12 wishes in the 12 seconds leading up to midnight. But we weren't paying attention to the clock and no one in the bar was counting down so we actually didn't get started on time and I don't know if you can imagine eating a grape per second but it's harder than it sounds. So I only got in two wishes blessed by two grapes. Luckily, those first two wishes were really good ones.
Happy New Year to all of you. I hope all of your wishes come true.
Day 4 and the tourist thing
Tuesday was the first day after Nuria, a Spanish friend of Beth's from Barcelona, arrived. There were a lot of things she wanted to see, so we went. Hyde park and some other park and some Kensington thing, and a Buckingham thing - to imprecisely name a few. It was all very lovely.
But the highlight of the day was the Borough market. A beautiful food market. All kinds of food. Cheeses and sausages and chocolates and olives and seafood and pastries and I'm leaving countless things out. But even better were the free samples of everything. I tasted it all.
And then went across the street to a cafe where, if what everyone claims is true, I had one of the best cups of coffee to be had in the world. Yes, they kept saying the world. Monmouth coffee shop. While I would not be ready to say the world, just because I haven't seen enough of it, I will say that it was a perfect cup of coffee.
But the highlight of the day was the Borough market. A beautiful food market. All kinds of food. Cheeses and sausages and chocolates and olives and seafood and pastries and I'm leaving countless things out. But even better were the free samples of everything. I tasted it all.
And then went across the street to a cafe where, if what everyone claims is true, I had one of the best cups of coffee to be had in the world. Yes, they kept saying the world. Monmouth coffee shop. While I would not be ready to say the world, just because I haven't seen enough of it, I will say that it was a perfect cup of coffee.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Day 3 and the month long birthday
In my family we believe that your birthday isn't over until you've gotten your last gift. Which means that mine is definitely not over.
Beth took me out for an amazing meal at Wild Honey. And while the freak-show tense manager was irritating, the food was excellent.
And then we went to the parfumerie Miller-Harris where Nancy spent hours with us, explaining perfumes, helping us and guiding us, "Don't rub your wrists together after applying scent - it crushes it. It changes the journey."
That particular journey ended with tea and perfect cupcakes with candied rose petals on top of the perfect buttercream icing.
Beth took me out for an amazing meal at Wild Honey. And while the freak-show tense manager was irritating, the food was excellent.
And then we went to the parfumerie Miller-Harris where Nancy spent hours with us, explaining perfumes, helping us and guiding us, "Don't rub your wrists together after applying scent - it crushes it. It changes the journey."
That particular journey ended with tea and perfect cupcakes with candied rose petals on top of the perfect buttercream icing.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Day 2 and the quartier
While I could write paragraphs about what Dr. Woo said, "You are clever and I believe you think too much," and what Dr. Woo did (needles, massage), I must move on to Sunday.
I slept in, I breakfasted. We started with a walk to a French cafe in Beth's neighborhood where I actually used my French with the waiter who was struggling to understand our English. And ended at the cinema to buy tickets to Australia (liked it) where I used my French with the guy from the Congo selling us the tickets.
In between the French stuff, we went to the grocery store, which I really like to do in foreign countries because you learn all kinds of interesting things.
What did I learn? That groceries are WAY cheaper here than in France. Radically cheaper. And that the food industry here has got a serious racket set up. Their expiration dates are pure folly. If you heed them, what you save on the cheap groceries, you spend on buying more cheap groceries because you can't eat anything you bought two days before.
I slept in, I breakfasted. We started with a walk to a French cafe in Beth's neighborhood where I actually used my French with the waiter who was struggling to understand our English. And ended at the cinema to buy tickets to Australia (liked it) where I used my French with the guy from the Congo selling us the tickets.
In between the French stuff, we went to the grocery store, which I really like to do in foreign countries because you learn all kinds of interesting things.
What did I learn? That groceries are WAY cheaper here than in France. Radically cheaper. And that the food industry here has got a serious racket set up. Their expiration dates are pure folly. If you heed them, what you save on the cheap groceries, you spend on buying more cheap groceries because you can't eat anything you bought two days before.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Day 1 and Dr. Woo
Friday doesn't count, I arrived in the evening.
So the London tales will start with Saturday.
Which started with perfect brunch and ended with amazing pizza.
And in between there was Dr. Woo. Acupuncteur extraordinaire.
So the London tales will start with Saturday.
Which started with perfect brunch and ended with amazing pizza.
And in between there was Dr. Woo. Acupuncteur extraordinaire.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
London calling
So, I made it. Travel delays and no music made for a looooong trip, but I am here.
My posts will probably be short for the next week. I am using a laptop with a German keyboard. Which, of course, can´t be the same as a French or American keyboard. See that apostrophy I used? Not even a real one. I think it´s an accent.
Hey, this morning I saw a fox in the garden.
My posts will probably be short for the next week. I am using a laptop with a German keyboard. Which, of course, can´t be the same as a French or American keyboard. See that apostrophy I used? Not even a real one. I think it´s an accent.
Hey, this morning I saw a fox in the garden.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Le goût de l'effort
The taste of effort. And I don't mean sweat.
Although I think we would translate that as the taste for effort. Do you have it? And I don't mean the kind of effort that is actually struggle and resistance poorly disguised as I'm-doing-my-best. I mean rising to the challenge effort. The kind that makes you enjoy the fact that sometimes it isn't easy to get what you want. Being required to make that effort, to give of your self, means you've finally discovered something that deserves the kind of effort you rarely use - the one that costs you something.
So here's my question - when was the last time you had to strive for something? When was the last time you found something that was absolutely worth the effort?
Although I think we would translate that as the taste for effort. Do you have it? And I don't mean the kind of effort that is actually struggle and resistance poorly disguised as I'm-doing-my-best. I mean rising to the challenge effort. The kind that makes you enjoy the fact that sometimes it isn't easy to get what you want. Being required to make that effort, to give of your self, means you've finally discovered something that deserves the kind of effort you rarely use - the one that costs you something.
So here's my question - when was the last time you had to strive for something? When was the last time you found something that was absolutely worth the effort?
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Solstice with me
It is winter.
Which is not a transitional season like autumn or spring. Winter is a destination season. The cellar of the year. A time when you bring into the basement what you've evaluated and sorted out during the heavy justice of fall. To preserve it and keep it safe from the cold.
Darkness dominates and we live muffled and huddled lives. And those of us who like winter, do so both because of and in spite of that.
I had a winter dream last night. In it I saw a lake, pure and clean and cold, sitting upon the heavens, the light shining right through the surface of the water. I watched it all from my cellar window.
Which is not a transitional season like autumn or spring. Winter is a destination season. The cellar of the year. A time when you bring into the basement what you've evaluated and sorted out during the heavy justice of fall. To preserve it and keep it safe from the cold.
Darkness dominates and we live muffled and huddled lives. And those of us who like winter, do so both because of and in spite of that.
I had a winter dream last night. In it I saw a lake, pure and clean and cold, sitting upon the heavens, the light shining right through the surface of the water. I watched it all from my cellar window.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Just ask
Sometimes, some things require outside help. You get to a point, a place, where you realize that you are up against something that you cannot, no matter how much you try, resolve. Re solve, odd, the re part I mean, because that would imply you've been to this place before. And maybe you have. Most unsolvable things are not new, are they? They're remnants, reminders, remainders of other unsolvables. Things you worked with and around, but never through.
That place is nowhere you want to stay, despite its familiarity, despite how long you've been there and how many times you've been foolish enough to come back - you do realize places like these are of your own making. And even despite the inevitable discomfort associated with leaving it, with leaving anything familiar.
And so you call for outside help. You gather your courage and say the words, out loud, that make going back impossible.
It is a gracious hour, one you have longed for just as naturally as you have feared it.
And in that gracious hour - the darkest hour of the darkest day - you feel yourself, usually so lion-like, led, lamb-like, into the innocence of surrender. You cannot know yet what will remain. But you feel the quiet sense of truth brush past.
That place is nowhere you want to stay, despite its familiarity, despite how long you've been there and how many times you've been foolish enough to come back - you do realize places like these are of your own making. And even despite the inevitable discomfort associated with leaving it, with leaving anything familiar.
And so you call for outside help. You gather your courage and say the words, out loud, that make going back impossible.
It is a gracious hour, one you have longed for just as naturally as you have feared it.
And in that gracious hour - the darkest hour of the darkest day - you feel yourself, usually so lion-like, led, lamb-like, into the innocence of surrender. You cannot know yet what will remain. But you feel the quiet sense of truth brush past.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Up in the air
I survived the weekend. Burned and tired - of stirring, chopping, spreading, packaging.
And then I had a dream.
I was sitting in a field, nothing in sight but hills in the distance. And I was trying to put a beautiful pink rose back together. I had all the petals in my lap and I attempted to carefully arrange them back into a rose.
I finally gave up. I threw the petals up in the air and let the wind deal with them. Some stayed right with me, landing back in my outstretched hands or at my feet, and others were carried off to the hills.
I love pink roses more than any others.
What's your favorite color rose?
And then I had a dream.
I was sitting in a field, nothing in sight but hills in the distance. And I was trying to put a beautiful pink rose back together. I had all the petals in my lap and I attempted to carefully arrange them back into a rose.
I finally gave up. I threw the petals up in the air and let the wind deal with them. Some stayed right with me, landing back in my outstretched hands or at my feet, and others were carried off to the hills.
I love pink roses more than any others.
What's your favorite color rose?
Friday, December 12, 2008
It's that time of year again
The time of year when I can't say no.
There will be a Christmas market at the boys' school next Thursday and Friday.
Which means I'll be spending the entire weekend in the kitchen.
By Sunday evening, the candy thermometer and I will be best friends and I'll have two or three sugar burns on my hands and there will be 20 jars of salted butter caramel and 80 sachets of caramels, toffee, truffles and whatever else I can come up with.
You wish you had my social life, don't you?
Not being able to say no used to be a lot more fun than this.
There will be a Christmas market at the boys' school next Thursday and Friday.
Which means I'll be spending the entire weekend in the kitchen.
By Sunday evening, the candy thermometer and I will be best friends and I'll have two or three sugar burns on my hands and there will be 20 jars of salted butter caramel and 80 sachets of caramels, toffee, truffles and whatever else I can come up with.
You wish you had my social life, don't you?
Not being able to say no used to be a lot more fun than this.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
It's really cold here
But I'm definitely not complaining. It just helps explain why these pictures I took of the lights they put up for my birthday Christmas are a little blurry. No gloves and freezing hands don't improve picture quality.
That said, you get the picture.
That said, you get the picture.
Monday, December 08, 2008
Pick a lane
It was beautiful here this weekend. Cold and sunny. I worked at the café, I cleaned and organized my house - some but not enough - is it ever? And I wrote. I've got this writing gig, just a couple of items a month. But it's a start. And I like it. I'll tell you more about when/if I start to feel a little bit more at home with the idea.
In other news, I had to buy a damn washing machine because my stupid old washing machine was the thing that made the electricity go out last week. Ends up that 10 years was all it could handle. I shouldn't complain, it lasted 10 years and never once broke down. And it washed endless loads of little boy clothes (read: very dirty) for 8 of those 10 years.
The good news is that I have a nice, new washing machine. The bad news is that I hadn't really included buying a washing machine in December's budget. What with Christmas and the trip to London.
The other good news is that if the washing machine had broken down before I bought the London tickets, I wouldn't have bought them. Which means I would've spent the week after Christmas at home alone staring at my new washing machine instead of seeing Beth in London. Which would not have been good. So we'll say that the timing of the whole washing machine thing was as it should be.
So which is your favorite lane? Right or left? Fast or slow?
In other news, I had to buy a damn washing machine because my stupid old washing machine was the thing that made the electricity go out last week. Ends up that 10 years was all it could handle. I shouldn't complain, it lasted 10 years and never once broke down. And it washed endless loads of little boy clothes (read: very dirty) for 8 of those 10 years.
The good news is that I have a nice, new washing machine. The bad news is that I hadn't really included buying a washing machine in December's budget. What with Christmas and the trip to London.
The other good news is that if the washing machine had broken down before I bought the London tickets, I wouldn't have bought them. Which means I would've spent the week after Christmas at home alone staring at my new washing machine instead of seeing Beth in London. Which would not have been good. So we'll say that the timing of the whole washing machine thing was as it should be.
So which is your favorite lane? Right or left? Fast or slow?
Friday, December 05, 2008
When the boys are away...
I do not eat the same way.
Dinner tonight:
Half a camembert and pine nuts, roasted, on baby salad greens. A big glass of thick, dark red wine.
Dessert tonight:
Apples sautéed with salted butter, honey, and ginger.
Dinner tonight:
Half a camembert and pine nuts, roasted, on baby salad greens. A big glass of thick, dark red wine.
Dessert tonight:
Apples sautéed with salted butter, honey, and ginger.
Missing
I got:
Flowers from students.
Cakes from students.
A birthday lunch.
Flowers from friends.
It was a long, deep, exhale of a birthday, a week-long sigh. I've always been a sigher, but not the exasperated kind of sigher. They're usually contented sighs or peaceful sighs or contemplative sighs or I'm so sleepy sighs or I miss that sighs.
I miss certainty, even the illusionary kind.
What do you miss?
Flowers from students.
Cakes from students.
A birthday lunch.
Flowers from friends.
It was a long, deep, exhale of a birthday, a week-long sigh. I've always been a sigher, but not the exasperated kind of sigher. They're usually contented sighs or peaceful sighs or contemplative sighs or I'm so sleepy sighs or I miss that sighs.
I miss certainty, even the illusionary kind.
What do you miss?
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Lights on, lights off
It's actually my birthday week. Because one day just isn't enough.
I had a very small gathering at home on Saturday evening. Monday was the real birthday, but I mostly just worked. Tuesday was a beautifully timed acupuncture appointment and then coffee. Friday is a birthday lunch. And then, of course, lovely blog birthday wishes and messages on my answering machine and emails.
My birthday present to myself? A eurostar ticket to London for the week after Christmas. To spend a week with a friend I've had for nearly 20 years, since Wilmington.
The light thing?
Well, Laval is one of those cities with a major Christmas light thing. Saturday evening they turned the lights on with big music and fireworks.
I, of course, told the boys that they were really turning them on for my birthday.
Lights off, well, my very old house and its very old electrical system seem to not be getting along well tonight. The power keeps going off. I've unplugged and called the electrician and followed his instructions and currently have lights and hot water. I'm under strict instructions not to use the washing machine or the dryer or the dishwasher.
He must not know I have two boys.
I had a very small gathering at home on Saturday evening. Monday was the real birthday, but I mostly just worked. Tuesday was a beautifully timed acupuncture appointment and then coffee. Friday is a birthday lunch. And then, of course, lovely blog birthday wishes and messages on my answering machine and emails.
My birthday present to myself? A eurostar ticket to London for the week after Christmas. To spend a week with a friend I've had for nearly 20 years, since Wilmington.
The light thing?
Well, Laval is one of those cities with a major Christmas light thing. Saturday evening they turned the lights on with big music and fireworks.
I, of course, told the boys that they were really turning them on for my birthday.
Lights off, well, my very old house and its very old electrical system seem to not be getting along well tonight. The power keeps going off. I've unplugged and called the electrician and followed his instructions and currently have lights and hot water. I'm under strict instructions not to use the washing machine or the dryer or the dishwasher.
He must not know I have two boys.
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